Anyhow, I’ve been thinking for the past few days of goals both short and long term. Looking at what is inspiring me internally and what inspires me externally. I’ve been working on Phroogal since my grandmother died. I don’t think I shared this with anyone but I cried a few days in secret while I was sleeping on my aunt’s couch. I love my grandmother she had such a free spirit about her and always had a smile on her face. I can remember the times I was at her home and she’d ask me, “Are you pregnant?” She was referencing the fact I was getting a bit of a potbelly at one point. The stress of work and travel and the deliciousness of eating to cope. At the same time she’d ask me if I was getting fat, she’d make sure I had a ton of food in front of me and she’d watch me across the table and smile. She’ll ask me if I wanted more. I usually found this humorous but my grandma knew a way to a man’s heart is through food and in her way she was telling me how much she loved me.
She passed away in January of this year and my trip in DC quickly ended in order for me to fly out to spend time with her. The last few days was pretty hard on me watching my once vibrant grandma filled with jokes and smiles laying motionless on the bed. My family left me with her the moment I got to the hospital and I cried. I told her I loved her. Even as I write this tears flow out of my eyes. I immersed myself in working at Phroogal immediately after her passing. I never fully took the time to mourn.
My grandma was surrounded by her family when she took her last breath. I’ve never seen a human being take their last breath. Immediately, her body became cold and she was gone physically.
I believe in the idea that when its our time its our time. But, it doesn’t make it any easier. I do miss her and I know her last gift to me was bringing me to CA at the time I needed to be which moved me closer to a dream. I know our human brain makes connection about everything to make sense of the world. But, my traveling overseas has reinforced the idea of the spirit. I’m not talking of anything in a religious form but in an energy. No matter what religion or belief you may hold you cannot deny that once someone you love leave this world things change in yours.